The Sly Cooper Talk Show!
by LightBlueLightning
Summary: WELCOME LADIES AND GENTLEMAN TO THE SLY COOPER TALK SHOW!PURE RANDOM CRAP!AND NONSENSE!MESSAGE ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT!
1. Chapter 1

Li-chan: HELLO PEOPLE AND WELCOME TO...well shit we haven't named it yet...I don't own this here thing people obviously but please let me introduce myself!I'M YOUR FIRST HOST LIGHT!OR LI-CHAN!

Molester: AND I'M HER PARTNER AND THE SECOND HOST OF THIS HERE SHOW!MOLE!

Li-chan: OUR SPECIAL GUESTS ARE OUR FAVORITE SLY COOPER CHARACTERS!...Well all of 'em so...yeah...LET'S GIVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE TO THEM!

Audience: *aplauds and cheers*

Molester: WE'VE PREPARED SOME SPE-

Li-chan: Okay you can talk normally now we're done with introductions.

Molester:...Right...We've prepared some special questions to ask them!

Li-chan: FEEL FREE TO MESSAGE YOUR OWN!IT IS HIGHLY ENCOURAGED!OKAY SAY HELLO TO OUR GUESTS!ALL OF 'EM 'CAUSE THERE'S A LOT!

Bentley: Excuse me but by statistics we could never all fit in this room.

Li-chan:...SCREW STATISTICS!I PUKE AT THEM!MAGIC ROOM!

Bentley:...

Molester:He he...er...umm first question for Sly,When was the last time you saw a shog-goth?

Sly:Shog what?Goth?Shouldn't you be askingClockwerk about this?He is emo.

Clockwerk: I'll beat you to a bloody pulp you pitiful moron.I am not emo I AM-

Li-chan: Yeah yeah go sit in your emo corner birdbrain.

Clockwerk:...

Li-chan: NEXT QUESTION!Grizz,how do you come up with those raps?

Grizz: Y'know!They just come to me!Yo!I'm like a pro!

Li-chan:Hehe...*cough*..no one said they were any good...hehe...

Neyla: I'm beggining to think you just brought us here to make us feel miserable.

Li-chan: ME?NAH!

Molester:..er... moving on..nextquestion...Light this is a question I think you should read...*hands random card*

Li-chan:Hmm..gimme...OHH YESH! TO CARM!...CAN I BORROW YOUR GUN?

Molester & Audience: NO!

Carmelita:..err..sorry chiqa.

Li-chan: *pouts*

Molester:...again moving on Contessa,how exactly do you brainwash someone?

Contessa:It is a very complicated process first you must capture the target,then strap them to the machine and tell them to..go to their happy place...and stay there..

Carmelita: TU MADRE ES UN PERRA!HIYA DE PUTA!

Li-chan: You can curse all ya like,this is a free universe baby!

Molester:...Let's not give a bad example to children Light...

Li-chan:...PFFF! CHILDREN SHOULDN'T BE RE-ERR WATCHING THIS!YA HEAR THAT KID?YEAH YOU!YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE KID!

Molester:...that's a lovely way to drive away our readers...

Li-chan:...We have actual readers for this crap?

Molester:...well we won't have any after this will we?

Li-chan:...

Molester:...

Dimitri: AW DON'T GO QUIET ON ME MISS CRACKERBOX!YOUR CRAY CRAY 'TUDE GET'S DIMITRI'S JUICES FLOWIN'!

Li-chan:...ew...

Molester:...

Galleth:You are called Molester yet the wench acts more foul.

Li-chan: WHO YOU CALLING A WENCH TIN MAN?

Toothpick: Tin man!HAHAHAHH!

Clockwerk:Idiots...

Toothpick: IDIOTS!HAHAH!

Neyla:...I sort of wish I was dead now...

Carmelita: May I help you with that...'amiga'?

Molester: BACK to the show people!Decibel,how the heck can you breathe through a trumpet?

Decibel: It's not easy I can tell you that much...

Cyrille: It is not easy to listen to you either cherrie.

Sly:You aren't very easy to be around stink butt.

Carmelita:...did you just really say that Sly...I should have dated that guy with the pumpkin head...

Neyla: Well it's not Sly's fault you don't appreciate him Carmelita.

Carmelita: YOU WANNA GO SISTER?

Li-chan: Save it for after the show pour favour...eh y'know what go ahead

*they start biting each other and pulling each other's hair*

Raleigh:..Oooh..cat fight...

Li-chan: O.O...er...

Molester:...Dr. M explain why you betrayed the gang?

Dr.M : Because I was tired of that ego maniac Cooper and his ego maniac familly!

Sly: YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Dr.M: SOMEONE HAS TO DEFLATE YOUR EGO!

Li-chan: ONE FIGHT IS ENOUGH! Question for Bentley...are you green 'cause you eat a lot of pickles?I heard nerds eat pickles?

Bentley: ...Is this a trick question?Or are you just ...well dumb?

Li-chan: TEE-HEE!NOOOO!MEE NAHHH NOOO!

Clockwerk:...Sly?

Sly:What?

Clockwerk:...I AM YOUR FATHER!

Sly: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Li-chan:OKAY WHAT'S WITH THE SUDDEN STAR WARS REFFERENCE?WHO SAID YOU COULD-

Neyla: I FIND YOUR LACK OF BELIEF IN THE FORCE QUITE TROUBLING!

Li-chan: WE'RE THE HOSTS HERE!

Bentley: HUSH CHILD!AND MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Li-chan: OH SO YOU WANT RANDOM FINE!FUDGE BUNNY!

Molester:...grass?

Carmelita; CHICKEN-FISH!

Neyla: POINTY STICK!

Toothpick: HAHHA POINTY FISH FUDGE!HAHAAHH!

Clockwerk:...any volounteers to put me out of my misery?

Li-chan: OOHH SHUT UP BIRD BRAIN! WE'RE OUT OF TIME! *whispers* remember readers this is a parody so the fact that it has no descriptions,everyone is ooc and are just saying random stuff is 'cause of that..

Mz Ruby: What are you whispering about?

Li-chan:...err..KITTY LITTER!

Carmelita: FOR NEYLA!

Neyla: WHAT?!

Molester: AND THAT'S IT FOR TODAY EVERYBODY WE HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!

Neyla: I DO NOT USE KITTY LITTER!

Clockwerk:Yes she uses designer kitty litter..it's called kitty glitter..

Neyla: THAT IS MY DEEPEST SECRET HOW COULD-

Li-chan: WOULD YOU SHUT UP THE SHOW IS OVER THIS IS OVER TIME!I AM NOT GETTING FIRED BECAUSE OF YOU NOW GET THE HELL OUT BEFORE I SHOVE KITTY LITTER DOWN YOUR GUT!*rages*  
Everyone: O.O


	2. Chapter 2

Li-Chan: WELL HELLO LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!AND WELCOME TO...

Molester: THE SLY COOPER TALK SHOW!

Li-chan: YES YES SAY IT LOUD AND SAY IT PROUD MY FRIEND BECAUSE WE HAVE FIIIIVEEE REVIEWS!IT'S A MIRACLE!

Molester:And so we have decided that...*drumroll*

Molester & Li-chan:DARES ARE ALOWED!HAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHHA!

Characters: AW SHIT!

Li-chan: And so FanusObscurus says Neyla and Carm I dare you to switch personalities!

Neyla: It's not like we can refuse...

Carmelita: Mierda..

*THE HOSTS DRAG IN A GIANT MACHINE!*

Li-Chan:THIS CARMELITA THE FOX AND NEYLA THE TIGERESS IS OUR PERSONALITY SWITCHINATOR-INATOR!

Doofenshmirts: HEY THAT'S MY LINE!

Li-chan: *pushes out of room* SHUT UP DOOF!

Molester:O.O...UMM WE DON'T OWN HIM!

Li-chan:YEAH!

Clockwerk:...why are we sitting here if we are not obligated legally?

Neyla:We're obligated illegally...with guns and pointy sticks...

Li-chan: DO NOT SPEAK OF THE POINTY STICKS!

Neyla:...

Li-chan:AND SO LADIES GET IN DA MACHINE!

Neyla & Carm: *are strapped into random seats on the random and wildly colored machine*

Li-chan: PULL THE LEVER MOLESTER!

Molester: *pulls lever*

*rock falls on Li-chan*

Li-chan:..Other lever?

Molester: *shrugs,pulls other lever,machine starts*

Neyla: WAAAAAAAA

Carmelita: AY YAYAYA!

*machine stops*

Li-chan: Well how ya feelin ladies?

Neyla: I'm feeling good chiqa...wow Neyla your accent is stupid.

Carmelita: Says you,ya know love your accent ain't no cup o' tea.

Li-chan:...Both of your accents sound stupid when you talk like you have a different one?

Murray:...what?

Li-chan: Nothing...

Carmelita: Oh Sly I am so sorry this idiot has been treating you badly?May I make it better?

Neyla:Ringtail...

Sly: I feel so conflicted with her being my girlfriend but she's in her body and she's not my girlfriend and- *is punched by Muggshot*

Clockwerk: HAHAH HIT HIM AGAIN!

Li-chan: NO HITTY THE GUESTS!

Mz Ruby: Hitty?

Molester: Let's start actually asking questions hmm?

Li-chan: Right!From LionLover23: To Sly,did you ever like Neyla?

Carmelita: Of course he did!Don't hide you' love for me Sly!

Neyla:*death glare*

Sly:Er...well...a little..I mean she was a cop..who was helping me out...and not trying to kill me...untill she turned on me..

Neyla: WHY YOU NO GOOD LYING HIYO DE-

Li-chan: HUSH!IT WAS A QUESTION YOU MUST ANSWER OR YOU DIE!HAHAHAH!

Carmelita:...Make sure to not answer yours next time Carm dear.

Molester: Err..next...from BlazeHunter64 to Carmelita:Why not use yourself as bait to FINALLY catch Sly, you know, get him to willingly turn himself in to you? Umm..there's a cannon in here...to Carmelita only...umm...

Neyla: GIVE IT HERE I WANT REVENGE ON THAT LYING BASTARDO!

Carmelita: LEAVE SLY ALONE BITCH!

Sly: LADIES LADIES!THERE'S PLENTY OF SLY TO GO AROUND!

Neyla & Carmelita: STAY OUT OF IT!

Sly: *cowering in fear*  
Neyla: To answer your question amigo...It's 'cause I'm an idiot and because I fell for the ringtail so I sometimes hesitated to catch him...you really think I was that stupid to let him escape that chopper?

Sly: SAY WHAT?

Neyla: YES SLY YOU MORON!I LET YOU ESCAPE!BUT NOW I SEE I SHOULDN'T HAVE GIMME THAT CANNON YOU!

Li-chan: I GIVE THE ORDERS AND VIOLENT THREATHS HERE THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

Molester: *shrugs* I'm the normal dude,here to make this whole thing seem believable..

Li-chan: Don't lie,nobody finds this believable.

Molester:...yeah you're right...

Jester: LET'S TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN!

Li-chan: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?GET BACK INTO DEVIL MAY CRY! WHO OPENED THE DOOR FOR HIM?

Sly: *guillty look*

Li-chan: Sly...

Jester:AHAHAHA

Li-chan: GET OUT!Oh and tell Dante he can join us if he likes.

Molester:..I don't think he'll do that after last time...

Li-chan: SHEESH!YOU TIE A GUY TO A CHAIR ONCE AND SUDDENLY YOU'RE CRAZY!

Molester: Do I need to tell the audience what you did to him afterwards?

Li-chan:...it's rated T see *points up* so you can't unless you want this deleted.

Molester: so...hmm...Neyla...why are you purple?

Carmelita:...I never quite understood why actually...*shrugs* ask sucker punch.I kind of like this body of your's old ironsides.I might just keep it.

Neyla: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING PUTA!

Li-chan: Sorry Neyla,once the chappy ends,so does the dare..unless it's part of the dare for it to let me ask a question of mah own...CLOCKWERK!...ARE YOU GAY AND DATING DR M?IS THAT WHY YOU CHEATED ON THE COOPER GANG DR M?

Clockwerk: *shifty* Who told you?

Everyone(but Dr M): O.O

Dr M: *war cry* YOU CANNOT DENY OUR LOVE!

*they start making out*

Li-chan: Oh god why...

Molester:...I think now would be a good time to cut-

Toothpick: I WANNA SCREAM AND SHOUT AND LET IT ALL OUT AND SCREAM AND SHOUT-

Li-chan: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Toothpick: WE'RE SINGIN' OOOOHWWEEEEOOOHHWEEOOOOHHH

Li-chan: SERIOUSLY SHUT UP!WE'RE GOING OVER TIME!

Muggshot: You are now now rockin' with Toothpick and a

Everyone: *points at Li-chan* CRAZY BITCH!

Li-chan:*shrugs* OOOOOHHHHWEEOOOOHHWEOOOHWEOOOHHH WE NOW MUST END THIS RANDOM CRAPPY SHOW!

Molester: So. please. review. us,down there in the-

Li-chan: Big box!


End file.
